As a person in the real world I had a hard time coming to terms with my life, my looks, my thoughts and more recently my body. It was always a comparison between me, society, diet culture and whatever my family wanted of me. It took many years for me to finally settle down and accept me for me. The weird, the femme, the butch, the lazy and the creative in me.
This journey was also reflected into my blogging. I did blogs in SL for the longest time, from Maniera, the magazine where I wrote more than just colums, to Ninphromania, where I co-wrote and co-blogged with the wonderful Aphrodite Brianna (RIP), to Eclectic Miwa, where I just did my thing and occassionally blogged up until 2019.
Many things happened and the many people I met led me to find my own voice. I always thought that having the best brands sponsor me, or following the curve is what was gonna get me noticed by other brands. While yes my very long relationships with SL Fashion personalities like RicoRacer Flux of Fashion Teller, Wicca Merlin and Redclaw of Wicca’s Designs, Frolic Mills of SL20 and Hikaru of L’Homme were always a staple in my circles, I never tried to rely on my friendships to get my way or favors. They just have always been there for me and both helped me or gave me the best critiques.
And so back in 2020 when the lockdown started a friend poked me because they found some old pictures of themselves back in 2013-2014 that I took for Maniera and they asked if I still was blogging. It got me thinking about everything I have gone through, the current projects I was a part of, the time I was spending in RP and my obsession with photography. And so, in 2020 I resumed my blogging on Flickr and by 2021 I got my name changed, my blog domain and my social media back on track and we were on our way.
I think my biggest mistake back then was trying to mimic or keep up with the very many big-time bloggers I was seeing around, while trying to constantly justify my love for furry mods to some people and why it was a valid look to have in SL. I had a few really bad times where I would apply to many places only to get rejected for absolutely no reason. Then a post made by a friend made me reflect on how I was feeling and my own voice.
“If a designer/blogger manager has rejected your application it is probably because you do not fit their vision. And that is okay. You won’t be liked by everyone.”
That was a turning point for me. That was the moment I stopped worrying about rejection and focus more on making myself happy. I started blogging more what I wanted, how I felt, where I wanted and what I wanted to shoot as opposed to what everyone else is doing. It was no longer about what the masses wanted or what the lastest SL fashion dictated. I opened my studio to creatives that help me from time to time, people who are a part of me, as well as me being part of them and their creative.
I guess the point of this whole post is just putting it out there. The fact that there is a time and a place for you to find your voice. That there will be a particular moment where everything that previously mattered, the people and stuff you once considered to have some sort of importance in the way you perfomed or viewed life, suddenly shifts and it no longer matters what others think. What matters is what you want to create and how you create it.
My outlook changed and I started making more videos to songs, a lot more dance and randomness attached that reflects my life in SL and RL for the better, my imagery in the backgrounds is what fits my look or at times the fact I hyperfixate on a specific look, song, item OR a backdrop by The Bearded Guy. There is so much that inspires and moves me now and I feel unstoppable and with the help of my BF and my besties, this is even better!
I am sure not everything is liked by everyone. And I know I am still getting a lot of rejection from designers who honestly do not enjoy seeing their items on furry looks or that they do not like my content, the way I take pics or the numbers on my Flickr vs. my engagement in Twitter and my blog, but I no longer blog for people, I blog for myself. So, just don’t give up. I found my voice, you can too.